(a) Oh, please. Just... tchah!
(b) Hmmmmm. *strokes the beard* Let me see, does this concept ring a bell with anyone? Just a small, Richard Dean Anderson-shaped bell? (OK, that would be a weird bell, but go with it...)
This merely confirms my belief that 90% of this world's inhabitants are complete and utter LOONIES.
And cursed clinic clerks!
CC: I'm looking for some notes.
Me: Mmm? (with an enquiring sorta intonation)
CC: I said I'm looking for some notes.
Me: Yes. And...? (again with the enquiring intonation, only doubled this time)
CC: They're coming to clinic tomorrow.
Me: Yes, I've grasped that, yon FOOL! Why *else* would you be asking for them? WHAT ARE THE PATIENTS' NAMES? You know, that useful information I'm waiting for before I can actually HELP you! (all in my head, obviously) Can you give me their names, please.
CC: They came to clinic last Wednesday... or maybe it was the Wednesday before.
Me: (Yes, fascinating, thank you very much.) Er, their *names*, please.
CC: See, they're booked out to you on the *system* (for some reason clinic clerks always over-emphasise the word 'system' - it's like it gives them some kind of external validation in life, or something).
Me: Just TELL me their FUCKING NAMES!!!!!
And it all goes downhill after that...
Anyway, they're a complete bunch of numpties. Or antoinettes. Whichever word works for you.