Fandom: Babylon 5
Summary: This relationship is fated to disaster. All Susan's relationships are fated to disaster. Now, she is sanguine about it. She enjoys the sex.
Once, someone asks her if she’s happy. She is a good captain. What is happy, when it comes down to it? She has coffee.
Perhaps it should have taken her a while, after Marcus, after the war, after everything, like a woman sitting shiva, shrouded and dark. It doesn’t, though. Before her new commission she gets drunk (vodka, straight up; she’s Russian, a traditionalist when it comes to drinking) and sleeps with a diplomat. Daniel. David, maybe. But that’s not a relationship. Marcus wasn’t a relationship, either.
She serves one ship as captain; is promoted to another, larger ship. Occasionally, she gets a real shower, water slicked through long hair. Jay is charming. Weeks later, she finds out he has a wife back in Mars. Susan has lost all capacity to be surprised. She isn’t sure if she cares, but she remembers her mother.
Clarice is a reporter and probably a bad decision. Susan has grey hairs and lines. The relationship is fated to disaster. All Susan’s relationships are fated to disaster. Now, she is sanguine about this. She enjoys the sex.
Clarice was definitely a bad decision. Susan is promoted again, and they give her a desk on Earth. She develops a history of terrible relationships. She thinks of it as a hobby, and almost enjoys it. She sees the sky every day, drinks coffee and orange juice whenever she likes. Her hair grows more grey and most people are a little afraid of her.
She wonders if, one day, they’ll be able to revive Marcus. She’s not sure how she feels about that, so chooses not to think about it too hard. Sheridan sends her some weird Minbari version of alcohol. It’s appalling and not alcoholic. It’s sent with a package from Delenn, couriered by a Ranger. Another relationship that ends badly. Susan wonders if it counts as a relationship if one person goes into it expecting disaster.
Sheridan dies. Susan becomes Ranger One. She wonders what people will say when she dies; what her life will add up to. A sterling military career and enough tragic romance to satisfy the most ill-starred Russian heroine. Tate is another Ranger, with a light in his eye and a quirk to his smile, and Susan thinks she might as well keep trying. One more time around the block, because life continues.
Susan drinks orange juice under Minbari moons and listens to Stravinsky. Life continues.