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03 February 2009 @ 01:22 pm
[SGA] How There Was A Giant Conspiracy To Kidnap Rodney And Possibly Even Torture Him :: PG :: 1/4  
Title: How There Was A Giant Conspiracy To Kidnap Rodney And Possibly Even Torture Him, or, The Chase
Author: chaletian
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None
Summary: AU. John Sheppard needs to prove his innocence. Unfortunately, he ends up with Rodney McKay in his stolen car.
Author’s Notes: So, remember that time we watched The Chase, and I wanted to make an SGA fic out of it? This would be it.

There were many things Rodney McKay, PhD, had been planning to do with his Tuesday afternoon. Check his minions’ experiments. Find someone willing to take on his entire teaching schedule (an ongoing process; as yet unsuccessful). Reduce a few grad students to tears. Call Zelenka with incontrovertible proof of Rodney’s superiority. Fit in some snacking time. None of these, it should be noted, included having his car hijacked and being kidnapped by some wild-eyed, wild-haired raving lunatic with elf ears and a gun.


John Sheppard tried to look as little like an escaped prisoner as possible as he waited in line at the gas station. He stifled the urge to jangle the (stolen) car keys as the half-witted clerk rang up the total for the guy in front of him. Apart from another man browsing the candy bars, the gas station was deserted. He took a deep breath, and tried to relax. No-one was following him. It was fine. Everything was going according to plan. The man in front of him got his change, and headed back for his car.

“Twenty bucks on number five,” said John, his voice feeling rusty with dis-use. He bent down, and put a Snickers on the counter. As the clerk once again began his long struggle with the cash machine, the other man approached the counter, clutching a stash of candy, potato chips and instant coffee, juggling these with his keys and cellphone.

“Well, can’t you find one of the others to do it? What about Simpson? Or that Japanese girl – what’s her name? … Really? I thought that was that guy in Metallurgy? Huh. … I’m not shirking, Cadman, I just have better things to do with my time than teach illiterate monkeys about the basics of gravity! … Well, of course he’d say that; did you read my review of his… I can’t help it that he’d cry over something like that. Some people just aren’t cut out for a little healthy academic competition… Don’t bring Elizabeth into it, she’ll just give me that lecture about fulfilling my teaching responsibilities and… Oh, you know that doesn’t apply to me. I am a leader in my field. I am the field. I… Cadman? Cadman?” He pressed futilely at the buttons on his phone, then gave it up as a bad lot, and scowled. “Stupid assistant.”

John grinned involuntarily, then the expression froze on his face as the door swung open and two cops walked in. They were relaxed, joking, and one of them headed to the cooler. Breathe, John, he thought to himself, cautiously angling his face away from them. They’re just hanging out. Probably the end of their shift. They’re not interested.

Interested they may not have been, until a radio crackled into staticky life.


So, yeah. Stealing a car in the first place probably hadn’t been John Sheppard’s best plan ever. But he could hardly walk to where he needed to get, and he was loath to involve any of his friends in this undoubtedly ill-fated expedition. Just his luck that he had to stop at the one gas station to be visited by off-duty cops. And he couldn’t let it end like this. Not just end, with him in a concrete cell. And there was that guy, with his cellphone and his candy and his coffee and most importantly his car keys. And he looked sorta soft and unlikely to resist if John, say, pretended to shove a gun in the small of his back (thank you, Snickers), and took him and his car. Which is what happened next.


“Oh my God, don’t hurt me!”

“I’m not gonna…”

“I have one of the leading minds of my generation, killing me would be a CRIME!”

“Pretty sure it would be a crime anyway.”

“I am… what?”

John waved the gun he’d liberated from one of the cops. “Killing you. Be a crime whether you’re a leading mind of your generation or not.”

The man looked disgruntled. He glared squintily. “Thank you, Captain Obvious. What I meant - which should be perfectly obvious to the meanest intelligence, even yours – was that in killing me you would be depriving the world of the potential to make great leaps forward.”

“Well, I’ll bear that in mind.”

His hostage, glowered, then looked behind them. “We’re being followed,” he said smugly.

“Uh-huh,” said John.

“You know you’re not going to get away with this, right?”

“Have to say, I’m hoping for a different outcome.”

“Blind optimism is obviously your friend.”

John let out a short, bitter laugh. “Not so much.” He continued driving, picking up the pace as they got onto wider roads, casting quick, assessing glances at the rear view mirror at the police car in pursuit, pressing down on the gas. Next to him, his passenger/hostage started to look a little green.

“Do you have to drive so fast?” he whined.

“Well, I’m in the middle of this CAR CHASE, so, yeah, I think so!”

“Don’t blame me if I throw up all over you.”

“Don’t even think about it,” said John, waving the gun warningly, which only freaked out the other guy even more.

“Don’t hurt me!” he screeched (again), and John rolled his eyes.


After the lunatic put the gun down, Rodney felt a little calmer, and after a while (spent mostly shooting death glares at his captor and trying to push down the urge to vomit all over his own car [upside: would seriously disturb the lunatic; downside: lunatic may then kill him/permanently maim him; would have to sit in it; it’s HIS CAR]) he began to consider the odds of someone as vital to the development OF THE WORLD as Rodney McKay being randomly kidnapped.

Pretty long odds.

Suspiciously long odds.

Now it all made sense. This was no act of happenstance. The lunatic had, deliberately and with malice aforethought, abducted the greatest genius of the twenty-first century.


John wondered if he should be worried that his abductee had gone all quiet. But the man was annoying, and silence was golden, so he stopped thinking about it, and instead turned his mind to how he was going to get himself out of the nightmare of the last year…


Now that he knew he was the victim of a lethal conspiracy that spanned who knew how many countries, Rodney turned his mind to how he was going to get himself out of the nightmare of the last quarter hour…

Tags: , ,
The Katie: Bandom MCR Bob Drumskatie__pillar on February 3rd, 2009 01:29 pm (UTC)

Are you going to write all 4 bits, missy?
Miss Squeenie McPimpalotchaletian on February 3rd, 2009 01:38 pm (UTC)
Well, I've started part 2... that's got to count for something, right?
Rat Creature: gaahratcreature on February 3rd, 2009 02:12 pm (UTC)
Ack, where is the rest? I didn't notice on the messageboard that this was still a WIP. </whine> Still, a promising opening.
♥: Fatman & Rononfiendishfox on February 3rd, 2009 08:25 pm (UTC)
LOL! I can't wait to read the rest! &hearts'
trystings: Baffled Rodneytrystings on February 3rd, 2009 10:10 pm (UTC)
Great start!
un_covermyeyes: sgaun_covermyeyes on February 4th, 2009 02:08 am (UTC)
Ooh, I saw the title and knew this would be good. Keep going please! :)
What, does he wanna date me or kill me?: Not My Happy Placekrysalys on February 4th, 2009 04:47 am (UTC)
dragonladyk on February 4th, 2009 08:31 pm (UTC)
Heee. I have to admit, I almost didn't click this link, but I'm glad I did. The “Well, I’m in the middle of this CAR CHASE, so, yeah, I think so!” was SO JOHN it made the fic, and then Rodney's paranoia and, oh, just-- *loves*

gail19gail19 on February 10th, 2009 12:42 am (UTC)
Saw this listed on a to read list, and decided I couldn't wait. *pats self on back for great decision*

Wonderfully entertaining. Great job putting this together around Rodney's certainty that he really is the center of the universe.
theeverdreamtheeverdream on October 24th, 2009 09:05 am (UTC)
Can't wait to read the rest :D
space1travelerspace1traveler on January 14th, 2010 12:51 am (UTC)
Ooh, I am exictement! Moving on....
freakywendigo on September 10th, 2011 02:05 pm (UTC)
This is
really great and with the ending i LIKED IT. I usually abhor stories where people think the exact same thing at the same time but it worked for me here ;)