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26 May 2009 @ 01:15 pm
[ST] Faites Vos Jeux // Rien Ne Va Plus :: PG :: Gen :: 1/1  
Title: Faites Vos Jeux // Rien Ne Va Plus
Author: chaletian
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Not really
Summary: Rounding off It Takes A Village and Birds Do It… There’s always someone willing to take a bet.



It’s not like anyone on Enterprise has a gambling problem – except maybe Scotty and his incomprehensible belief in his own talents at poker – but there’s always someone willing to take a bet, whether it be on the likely inhabitants of the next planet, or on the odds of Admiral Archer’s prize beagle ever reappearing (60-1 and growing).

Kirk finally succeeding with Uhura: 3-1

“Uhura, when’re you going to see the light of day and make me a happy man?” asks Kirk with a grin.

Uhura raises an eyebrow. “Is that what you’d like me to ask the Andorian captain?” she says sweetly.

Kirk clutches his heart and winces. Sulu and Chekov exchange amused glances. The Andorian captain on the viewscreen just looks confused.

Later, a crewman who had been on the bridge takes those odds, and Sulu relieves him of his credits. Chekov shakes his head as the crewman leaves the messhall.

“They always take the bet,” he says, while Sulu updates his padd.

“Oh, they just don’t know the Captain yet.”

“Or Uhura,” replies Chekov.

“Or Spock,” finishes Sulu. “Don’t worry; they’ll learn.”

Chekov pulls a face. “Da, but it will hurt our profit margin.”

They both sigh a little.

McCoy actually throwing Crewman Winters out of Med Bay: 2-1

“I HAVE MENDARIAN FLU!”

“For God’s sake, man, you don’t have anything a lobotomy wouldn’t fix!”

“I insist you treat me right now, Doctor!”

“Oh, I’ll treat you, all right! With a case of BOLIAN TERMITE POX!”

It’s not long before there are no takers on anything relating to the length of McCoy’s patience.

Commander Spock showing emotion in the next week: 7-1

Although practically every one on Enterprise is endlessly fascinated with Spock (chiefly, in Sulu’s opinion, because of the unusually high possibility that he will go postal on them, compared to most Vulcans), it is a group of crewmen in Maintenance who bet the most and, increasingly, as the voyage goes on, win the most.

“They’ve got a system,” says Sulu, inspecting his books.

“I agree,” says Chekov. He glares across the mess, at where Crewman Cho is celebrating his ill-gotten gains. “Wery suspicious.”

“We need to find a better way of predicting Spock ourselves,” says Sulu, determinedly. “Pavel – find out what makes him tick.” He leaves. Chekov stares after him.

“Oh, fine. ‘Pavel, find out what makes him tick.’ No problem, there. I can do that.”

He starts surreptitiously following Spock, until Spock reveals that, in fact, he hasn’t been in the least surreptitious, and Chekov is left stammering in a corridor frantically trying to come up with a reason for following him around.

He’s not convinced he’s really managed it.

Chekov being madly in love with Spock: 4-1

Sulu finds this hilarious. So too does Kirk, who pats him on the back and tells a heartrending tale of his own unrequited love for a girl called Missy Taylor. Uhura looks at him pityingly, Scotty offers him a glass of his best Scotch, and McCoy tells him it’s his own fault for being a young idiot.

The bet stays on the books for many years, and wherever he goes, someone always seems to have heard about it.

It’s almost enough to put a man off gambling. But not quite.

Ensigns Henderson and Chitnavis finally declaring their undying love: 5-1

There’s a three-week stretch of black nothing between two star systems (fine; there’s a few asteroids that Spock tries to get people enthused about, but no-one goes for it), and everyone becomes obsessed with the unfolding drama that is the relationship between Henderson (Engineering) and Chitnavis (Stellar Cartography). They’re seen holding hands on the observation deck, but then Nurse Chapel reports seeing Henderson flirting with Scotty. This in turns proves to have been her trying to make Chitnavis jealous. They have a giant row in the Medical Bay (at which point McCoy, who says he hasn’t seen anything like it since the last time he shared a room with his ex, puts his credits down on ‘No, never, not a damn chance’), but then are caught making out on the security vids by Lt Lewis (who swears he doesn’t use the vids to spy on people; a claim no-one believes). The affair culminates in Henderson’s cabinmates being kicked out of their quarters for three hours.

McCoy hands over his credits and bitches that it won’t last.

Sulu asks him if he’s prepared to put his money where his mouth is.

Admiral Archer’s prize beagle reappearing: 60-1

One afternoon, Scotty dashes onto the bridge, and chucks a padd at Sulu.

“Ha! Take a look at that, laddie!”

It’s a vid. Admiral Archer, as white-haired and decrepit as ever, scowls at the camera. “Well, Aramis finally appeared, you damn Scottish lunatic.” He looks crafty. “But I’ve still got my eye on you, Scott.” The dog whimpers, and Archer bends down to pet it. The vid ends.

Scotty looks triumphant. “Didn’t think it would happen, did you? Aye, well, Montgomery Scott doesnae lie. I knew it would turn up. Eventually. So, hand over the money!”

“Mr Scott,” says Kirk, leaning forward on one arm of his chair, “we are actually in the middle of something at the moment.”

Enterprise rocks, and Chekov yells something about the aft shields. Scotty looks sheepish.

“Oh, aye,” he says, and scratches his head. “I’ll just be down in Engineering, then.”

He dashes off again. In between the whines of exchanged weapons and shouted orders, Sulu and Chekov take the time to share a glance – and a wince. Those were awfully long odds to be on the wrong side of.

Kirk getting them all killed: 5-1

Sulu and Chekov sit in their usual place in the mess, and stare silently at Ensign Carter and his two cronies, who have gone from sniggering to uncomfortable.

“Let’s pretend you didn’t come to us with this,” says Sulu eventually.

“This could be considered insubordination,” adds Chekov. “I would think wery carefully about this sort of thing next time, yes?”

They shuffle off. Chekov looks concerned. “You think we should tell someone?”

Sulu shrugs. “Not officially. Still, couldn’t hurt to mention something.” He watches them leave. “Anyway, Kirk’ll win them over.”

Chekov considers this, then nods. “He is wery persuasive,” he says.

Sulu flashes a grin, and waves his padd. “Odds?”

THE END
 
 
 
Becca Stareyesbeccastareyes on May 26th, 2009 12:24 pm (UTC)
Very amusing. I've really enjoyed your series of fics.

(I admit the Chekov following Spock around to predict him better to set the odds and being mistaken for being a lovesick junior officer made me laugh. And the beagle.)
Mara: Uhura(s)marag on May 26th, 2009 12:25 pm (UTC)
::dies again:: Chekov and Sulu as the ship's bookies! Chekov supposedly in love with Spock! ::giggles madly:: I love it :)
seren_ccd: Star Trek 2009 - Bonesseren_ccd on May 26th, 2009 12:32 pm (UTC)
Yay! I love this series. You've got humor and lovely doses of gravitas all in one lovely package. This was just wonderful. Oh Scotty. Oh Chekov. Your Sulu voice is fantastic.
snitches be crazy: spock - bullshitshighola on May 26th, 2009 12:36 pm (UTC)
LOL, this is utterly fantastic!
“They always take the bet,” he says, while Sulu updates his padd.

“Oh, they just don’t know the Captain yet.”

“Or Uhura,” replies Chekov.

“Or Spock,” finishes Sulu. “Don’t worry; they’ll learn.”

Chekov pulls a face. “Da, but it will hurt our profit margin.”

They both sigh a little.
saavikam77: Chekov Uhura Grinsaavikam77 on May 26th, 2009 01:56 pm (UTC)
*cackles* XD Well, at least they all find something to occupy those long stretches between star systems! :p

I so love that Chekov and Sulu are the ones holding the books, too. XD
Virgers!  How are we doing with those explosives?tree_and_leaf on May 26th, 2009 02:08 pm (UTC)
Oh, hysterical (and I can actually see something like this happening; you've got to keep yourself occupied in deep space somehow...)
obsession called while you were outflyingcarpet on May 26th, 2009 06:45 pm (UTC)
heeee! I love this.
Gunbunny: trek prosper bitchburntcopper on May 26th, 2009 07:29 pm (UTC)
:snerrrrrk:

every fandom needs designation of who's holding the book.
ungratefulwench: Booksungratefulwench on May 26th, 2009 07:32 pm (UTC)
So much goodness.
Ninjabear: coming for a stealth hugdangermousie on May 26th, 2009 09:22 pm (UTC)
This was wonderful. I loled and loled and loled!
This bomb-blast lightning waltzangerfish on May 26th, 2009 09:32 pm (UTC)
Mwahahaha! Oh god. So lulzy, <333
peeps wanna see peeps boink: never tell me the oddsmusesfool on May 26th, 2009 10:52 pm (UTC)
The beagle! Chekov being in love with Spock! Hee!
oxoniensis: fandom: st a fucking space operaoxoniensis on May 26th, 2009 11:31 pm (UTC)
This was such a fantastic series - I love stories that showcase all the characters, and you've done that wonderfully. ♥
Cordelia Delayne: kirk/spockcordeliadelayne on May 26th, 2009 11:45 pm (UTC)
This was great and lots of fun! :D
Greenundeny on May 27th, 2009 12:24 am (UTC)
Very good. Awesome, in fact. :D